I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
