Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
