I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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