It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
