i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
