so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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