Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
