Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
