Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
