my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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