i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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