yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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