i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
