No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
