i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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