Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
