just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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