so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
