Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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