You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
