Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
