and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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