I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
