just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
