i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
