I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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