I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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