What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
pray to the hookup gods
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
