im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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