textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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