I want to walk on stilts...naked
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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