So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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