I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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