Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
