shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
