And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
