Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
