glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
