New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
