So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
