I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
