i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
