i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
