He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
