Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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