I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
