No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
