so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
