is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I need to calm my uterus...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
