so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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